The Word No

I don't know about you, but when someone tells me no way, sorry, nope, can't do that, or just plain no, I'm pretty certain whatever it is, I'm not getting it or it's not happenning. And I think it takes quite a long time to grapple with this, come to terms with the fact that we can oftentimes be powerless in situations that are important to us, where someone else controls that outcome.

It could be requesting time off from work for a special trip or day's event you might have coming up, it might be wanting an application for something to go through sooner than you've been told it will, it could be finding out that you have been denied a loan or entry into a school you had your heart set on. It could be any number of things really where we're told, "No, I'm sorry." And sometimes they tack on that "I'm sorry" but does it help? Not really. But as adults, we hope anyway, we have come to accept that life will oftentimes have moments of disappointment, or other times when we just don't get what we want. Internally we may be whining and wanted to yell or cry or react out loud, but this is a learned behavior to accept what it means when someone tells you no.

Unfortunately, it's not that simple when it comes to children. They want what they want and they are unconcerned with "why" they can't have it. And yes, they will act out, they will beg and whine, they will get angry and throw fits, or they will attempt to overthrow your authority and demand that you say yes. Not likely but I have to admit, there have been times when I've been pushed so far that I've caved. The battle is too much to bear sometimes. And of course, there has to be some yes in the face of all the no's that kids are subject to. It's not because we like to say no to them, but it's for their own good, or because they can't have and do everything they want or that pops into their heads. But making them understand the word no is not easy. I always say, "If I say no, that means I mean no." It doesn't mean that I'm going to change my mind to yes when you beg, whine and yell.

For example, Aziza asked me just yesterday if she could have a sleepover last night at her friend's house. It was Thursday, it was a school night, and honestly, she shouldn't have asked in the first place. She should really know better. But she pushed and pushed as far as she could. Of course, I refused to budge, trying to keep saying no, maintaining my calm and humor, despite the fact that she is relentless. Shouldn't saying no be clearly understood as No? If you've ever caved even once and changed your answer to yes in the face of the yes/no controversy, they have amazing memories for that stuff, and will do their best to yield similar results. But in reality, such a small word, that should carry so much more weight, has been redefined as weak as kids try to constantly overcome it, and get you to change it to yes.

Keep it consistent and keep explaining why it's no and hopefully they'll get it. We remember hearing no as a child from our parents, our teachers, or anyone that could disappoint us, but we learned that this small little word of no creeps up more than we'd like but we deal with it. And I know my daughter will get it, it's just a matter of when??