What Kind of Religion Do You Need?

Next week Aziza has to attend her friend's communion ceremony. I think it will be the first time she's ever been in a church. We don't attend obviously, and it's not because I'm of another faith, but because I'm somewhat averse to all the religions. I do have my spiritual beliefs, closely resembling Buddhism, and they don't include the need for church. I've tried it in my past, attended one of those all-in-one brand of Christian churches. Their incorporation and acceptance of all faiths seems the most logical.

I once joined a church. It was in Elmhurst, Queens and it was called New Life Fellowship. They had a corporate organizational structure, great singers and musicians, and the pastor was youthful, energetic, and on the money in a lot of ways. He brought the ideas of faith into everyday modern situations. He was easy to relate to and connect with in his sermons.

I went alone every Sunday and sat quietly in the back waiting for the pastor to begin. I liked what he had to say, and at that time I was looking for someone to say just the right thing to me to pull me out of my funk, my dream state. Someone to show me the real world and then tell me how to deal with it. It was a good place, and although I somewhat dragged myself there, it felt right.

Until one day, too many people were curious about me, like they decided today was the day they were going to recruit me officially. People came up to me asking if I wanted to attend church meetings at their homes, or join their bible study class. I appreciated the offers but when they said I would make a great evangelist and wanted me to consider joining the group, I knew it was time to go. I attended one more time, I think, but sat up in the balcony section so they couldn't easily approach me. After that, I decided if I had to hide from them, I'd never be able to simply come and get what I needed. My needs were basic: to listen and hear the insight.

I never really attended church again, although I spent quite a lot of time sitting in Catholic Churches when it was quiet and empty. The high ceilings and almost haunting acoustics in Catholic Churches are ironically soothing, especially in one particular church, Our Lady Queen of Martyrs in Forest Hills, NY. In that church it was easy to find solace. It was there that I discovered that true religion, or spirituality, is at its greatest in times of true silence.

Aziza has mentioned that she believes in God and Heaven. She believes that in Heaven you can travel very fast, go anywhere you want, but you can't have your favorite snacks anymore. She says that's okay though because you really don't feel like you need them. I was so happy to hear her tell me this one day. I thought, "How does she know that? I never told her that." Maybe in little bits here and there, but never a real discussion on it. I just told her, "You're absolutely right, Aziza."