Ain't Eight Great?

There are some days I think I'm doing a good job, and then there are days when I feel like I can't connect with my daughter at all, like she hasn't heard a word I've been saying. I say to myself that it's getting easier doing the single mommy thing as she gets older, but the truth of the matter is that, on some days, if not most days, it seems harder. Sure, potty training is over, she can dress herself, brush her teeth, ocassionally put her toys away, and she can even get her own snack when she's hungry - even though she has this way of requesting I "bring" it to her. Children sometimes confuse parents with room service clerks, and this is definitely not a hotel.

But even though all those early years challenges are out of the way, there are all the 8-year-old challenges I deal with today. They come with increased attitude and demanding expectations. Now it doesn't help the situation that she's an only child and I'm Jewish - ugh, the guilt! She doesn't have any siblings - even though they would probably fight, it's still someone to love to hate - and she doesn't have a dad. Two primary reasons I've always tried to be the friend and the parent, even though many said it can't be done. They warned me that it could backfire.

Aziza is a good girl, she's smart and funny, and she loves playing with her friends. However, the attitude I get from her sometimes is hard to take. Everything she says has a higher pitch sound at the end of it, like she's expressing her irritated lack of patience whenever I ask a question or attempt conversation she'd rather not have. And then there's the "Yes, I am doing it!" or "I'm going!" or "I need you to come right now and do blah, blah, blah..."

I guess what I'm saying is that I wish I didn't feel like one of my daughter's employees, and I wish I didn't have to be the one always enforcing the rules. The power struggle between us becomes more and more of a struggle as she grows and becomes more independent. I want her to act like a 'big girl" and be independent but not at my expense, and definitely not directed at me in a rebellious way. I guess it comes with the territory.

There are many days when we laugh, joke, watch TV shows she loves, play games, and eat snacks together, and then there are days when she's this pouting, demanding little girl that has very high expectations, and difficultly dealing with situations that do not go her way. I keep my wits about me, try to keep a cool head, and as I hear myself begin to preach, I see her slowly tune me out. She'd rather just say, "Okaaay, I'm sorry" and then have us forget about it. How do I know if she understands why she's saying sorry or what she did that warrants an apology. I mean, she's a smart, intuitive girl but she definitely lacks the ability to see her own faults - what 8-year-old can? Maybe my expectations are too high?

On days when I'm emotionally exhausted, I take deep breaths, and I find time to write. Writing has always been cathartic and therapeutic and I'm glad I have it. Doing a little more yoga couldn't hurt either!