Unfit Parents: There are Too Many

Lately, I have been hearing more and more stories of how parents lose custody of their children because they're not fit parents, for one reason or another. I can't even begin to imagine what that feels like to lose your children, and the subsequent hurt it causes them. To speculate, maybe those parents are so messed up and consumed with their own personal dramas and troubles, they can't feel the pain of losing their children. On some level, I can further speculate that they see it as a relief, since they were not handling them very responsibly anyway.

Still, I can't fathom getting myself so bogged down with dramas and troubles that it causes me to lose my daughter. I was never one to get in trouble in my 20's but was definitely in need of greater focus and taking more responsibility for my life. If anything, having my daughter changed my life. It gave me more purpose and a sense of greater strength to be more responsible, focusing on our well-being the best way I knew how. It brought out the better in me. And sure, there are times I miss how carefree I once was, but that was who I was then.

I've recently met a woman, close to my own age, and I think she has three children, all of whom live with someone else, perhaps the father or fathers. That is uncertain. What is certain is that she has lost custody of all of them. Now she lives with an ex-boyfriend, and they are both being evicted from their apartment in less than two weeks. She knows they are going their separate ways but has no idea as of yet where that is. She seems like a good person, just not very good to herself. And I can't say what has caused her to lose her kids, but when you're in court for one thing or another, and needing to always borrow money from anyone who will lend it to you, something is seriously wrong. I feel for her but clearly she is either confused about what is right and wrong, or has a blatant disregard for the distinction. How do you arbitrarily make significantly bad, very bad decisions that affect your life in seemingly irreparable ways? The damage oftentimes cannot be undone. I can only feel sorry for her kids who can't know the comfort and security of having a stable and nurturing mother in their life.

Overcoming Challenges

It's not as easy as it sounds but we've all experiened them at one time or another, and some more than others. Life is full of challenges; it's what fosters our growth, pushing us to be better than we are. Sometimes the challenges come disguised as unfortunate circumstances, but are really opportunities to overcome a situation, turn it around and be stronger for it. Sometimes those unfortunate circumstances come along to force us into a new direction, to force us to do or change something about our lives that we had become complacent about. Sometimes the challenge is in making a commitment, one that you've always feared making, or learning to do something that you've always felt you can't do. And that something new is seemingly an overwhelming challenge, but you know if you just push a little harder, the sky will open up and it will be a clear day.

Ever since I became a single mother, my life has been full of challenges, all of which have made me into the strong, independent woman I am. And the challenges come in phases. Once you overcome one, there is another just beyond. With overcoming a challenge, there is a satisfaction period where you can be proud of the hurdle you've just jumped, and sit back on your laurels until it's time to jump again. My new job is in a field I wasn't terribly familiar with, and it's been a challenge learning all the ins and outs, since the one person that knew the full scope of this job, is no longer there. So many days I'm left searching for answers, and it can be frustrating having to teach yourself how to do something with very little guidance. And early this week, I wanted to scream, or cry, not sure which was more, but by the week's end, I had uncovered some key issues in my job processes, and I started to see the light. I can only hope next week is equally revealing, if not smooth sailing. The challenge is painful sometimes, but the rewards in overcoming them are invaluable to our self-esteem, and our self-confidence. So don't shirk the challenge when it comes your way, despite how daunting it appears... greater things are just beyond the horizon.

Sometimes it Comes Back

Wandering around the yard
I found a piece of my childhood,
a piece of that summer when I cried
because I couldn't find my favorite
ball, the one with the swirling
colors and metallic shine. That ball
bounced as high as the sky,
or so I thought back then.
In retrospect, there is a smile,
a bit of laughter, and maybe
even a few tears. A tear for
the loss of days gone by, a tear for
remembering when our heart
felt its first hurt, and a tear
for the hope we still have,
although it fades with time.
But after all these years,
I found my ball;
what will the universe
return to me next?

21st Century Dating

Dating... if that's what you want to call it. It's nothing like it used to be. It's all online, a virtual reality of intimacy. Connecting, or thinking you're connecting, with someone who could be anywhere, doing anything, while they're typing flirty, erotic lines, thinking this is what a girl wants. What?? If you've ever been approached online, say at Myspace or Facebook (which I thought was safe until I was IM'd by a FB friend that was drunk and looking for a little online action. He's been defriended!), you know what I mean.

Sure, those creepy guys that used to come up to you in a bar wanting to take you home, or at least find out if they're able to take advantage of you because you've had one too many drinks, are not in the bars anymore. They're online, like idiots, thinking that they can get satisfied having virtual encounters with women right in front of their computers. I've been privy to these types of conversations, and I can tell you first hand, they're entertaining initially but then it's just plain stupid. Do you really think women want to carry on virtual sexual relationships? Christ, if we really knew this person, we might not even want to stand too close him. But that's the beauty of this online crap... the mystery of reality and the intrigue that it creates. You know what? It's a fantasy, it's a fallacy, it's a facade; a cover made to look like the real thing you want and need, but is actually just a virtual representation of it, which couldn't be further from any truth or reality. God forbid they should attempt a real, genuine encounter - one that may lead to true intimacy that can be felt and explored.

When you get right down to it, it's insulting and it's humiliating to have someone approach you online, thinking you're there so they can get off. And yes, that's a crude way of saying it, but that's what it is, and I didn't create it or make it that way. This is the evolution of dating, and quite frankly, it sucks.

Raindrops

Standing beneath a summer's sky
I can barely feel the rain
falling on me,
as it descends
from up above.
The warm, wet droplets
land in my path,
I can almost see them
individually, as some collide
and some never
touch another.











Aren't we all just
raindrops randomly falling
into each other,
colliding, touching,
and maybe some
never touch at all.

The Last Night

On the night of
our ended friendship
the thunder pounded
and the rain poured
like your anger,
filling the night,
the day.
You watch out
the window
waiting for the news
that you no longer
have to suffer,
but what would it mean
to be free
and no longer
be imprisoned
by today's shadows
and yesterday's ghosts?

Back to Writing!

I can't believe it's been over a week since I've updated here. I was swamped: new job, finals at school, evening commitments for Aziza, and just keeping up with life despite the sudden rush of stress. I'm thrilled to be back to work - the people and the job are great - and I'm ecstatic that this semester is over. I enjoy school a lot and can't wait to finally get that long-awaited degree, but it can be consuming, and this semester's courses were consuming. I have two more semesters to go but I have already taken the more challenging courses, so going forward may be a little easier.

Eager to get back into writing my blog posts, creating poetry, and finding that happiness that comes from playing with the words. I miss it. It hasn't been long but it's been long enough to notice that something in my life is missing. Feels like a piece of me is missing and I need to reach out just far enough to pull it back in.

I'm not dating but have been invited to a wedding, and the soon-to-be bride thinks she might be able to fix me up with a nice young uncle. Hoping he's a cute, young uncle! Either way, I love weddings and it should be lovely. Plus, I can't remember the last time I did the chicken dance! lol!

However, I have been spending a lot of time e-mailing and texting someone that I knew while growing up, and it's odd to be communicating with him as much as I am. Will it go anywhere? Probably not, He's smart, very sexy, and a gourmet cook - not too many men I can say that about. But he's just divorced and unsure of what he wants. Plus, he lives a good four hours a way, which makes it difficult to know if something serious could happen. Time together is the only way to figure that one out, but for now I have to have fun with it and not take it seriously. And that stinks really because I'm ready to get back into that commited place, which was off-limits for years in my mind. Well, if not the childhood friend, then maybe it will be the young uncle. I'll find out soon enough! ;-)

So far...

It has been a crazy week, but I want to fill you in completely, so as soon as this week settles and I have a moment to collect my thoughts, I will share it all with you. Between the new job, finishing school this week, Aziza starting baseball, and my 40th in just a few days, there's a lot to talk about.

Keep you posted!

-H

A poem: "Tick-Tock"

Standing outside your door
I’ve noticed the grass grow
And the snow fall
On sleeping trees
That wake in the spring
Bursting with leaves.
How beautiful your street
That I’ve noticed while I wait
But the door it never opens
Like a locked palace gate.
I’d like to be your friend
Real ones, I don’t have many
Please open the door
So we can laugh and be silly.
It’s just me out here
Holding one of my books
Do you see me from the window?
I think I saw you look.
Meet me on the sidewalk
Or even down the block
But please come out of the house
Time is fleeting, Tick-Tock!