Summertime Thoughts

It's been a while since I've checked in here. This has been a very busy summer so far. Work has been non-stop lately and of course I always feel that twinge of melancholy when I define my place in my current position versus the work I want to be doing. Don't get me wrong, I have made enormous strides at work, learning and mastering many job tasks, now feeling a sense of competence and completion. Despite that, I am beginning to imagine work where my daily purpose is instrumental in changing lives, helping people, and making an impact on individuals' futures by helping them to help themselves.

Ever since I could remember, I wanted to be a criminal attorney. I was young and I felt so many were victims of the justice system. With that, I felt I had a responsibility to defend those who were innocent and could not defend themselves. Basically, I wanted to be a public defender but soon discovered - shattered at the reality - that most people are guilty of what they are allegedly charged; I would never want to be in the business of freeing criminals. Rehabilitating them, yes. So probabation and parole became my next focus. Even still, I walked away from the criminal justice program and never looked back. I've since taken it back up, and I'm only 5 classes away from finishing my AS degree. Will I continue further and get my BS? Working full-time, going to school part-time and taking care of my daughter is taxing and time consuming, but since I do enjoy school and the advantages of online education, I will rule nothing out. Social services has caught my attention but knowingly a challenging environment to work in. I do see the benefits and the personal rewards from knowing you are giving people the tools to succeed. They did it for me time and again throughout the last eight years.

Okay, I may have gotten off on a tangent there for a moment but essentially I'm feeling that question loom large again about who I am and what I was meant to do. Sure, in these economic times we should be grateful to have a job to go to everyday, but the desire to do something more than just go to work is again rearing its head. I don't have the answers to the passion I feel to do 'good' work but I know if it is destined to manifest in my life, it should come to pass. However, I am a firm believer still in the fact that we are our futures and we make it happen. Opportunity is often the divine intervention.

And then of course, there's the writing I miss... the poetry I have not written in months. Working with numbers has beefed up the left brain activity where the right brain is seemingly on hiatus, hoping it returns soon.

Aziza is having a great summer. She is having fun in her summer program she attends every day. They take trips to a golf course (child size golf course - 6 holes I think) once a week and always have some other kind of field trips planned. Swim everyday and fun with friends has made it nice for her but I know she'd love to be hanging out with mom and friends at the pool every day, or just out riding her bike, no schedule, no plan.

She has started gymnastics again after taking a year off from it, and after only 3 classes, the coach just told us she is ready to advance to the next level. She was so excited when I told her! She finally did her handstand and that was the ticket. Cartwheels are looking good! I hope she sticks with it, enough so that she feels good about what she can accomplish and has fun with it.

I guess that's all for now... Hoping my next blog post will not take so long. It's really finding the mental energy to formulate my thoughts, when often-times I'm in robotic mode with less and less time for reverie - my favorite pastime! = )